The Fatherless

Our hearts ache for the fatherless.  We KNOW, without a doubt, that the Lord has put a burden on our hearts to reach those that feel hopeless; that feel they have no advocate.  We feel it so much that it has catapulted us forward to make significant changes in our lives.  It started with adoption but has seeped into living in community and sharing Christ with the broken, one relationship at a time.   

After more than a year of making significant life changes, that included selling our suburbia home in West Omaha, we happened upon this video of another family that has already paved the way and become a model for what is to come in our lives. 

Introducing... "Living On The Front Porch" 

His Words...

We waited in the slowest line of the day.  Ever so slowly we weaved our way through the snaked path towards the immigration booth.  On an elevated platform, behind a raised counter sat the gentleman whose words echo in my ears.  Words that confirm and overwhelm you with their truth. 

We proceeded like the other times before.  We did this in China and once coming into India and now we are leaving for home.  The passports and boarding passes are handed over soberly, without words, without smiles, another check point.  He calls a name; "Ava" and we hold her up, feet dangling she smiles and his eyes change.  "Meg" again smiles and his mouth begins to move.  "Livi" she giggles and smiles and he smiles too, "Ella", she can see without us holding her and she smiles at him confidently, "Punya" no smile but we do.  All five are done and he looks at us.

"Why are you doing this?" 

That pause was in my throat, we aren't quite home, will this matter for her?  Then the words, "our faith" I hear myself say and then my wonderful husband finishes, "because Jesus loved us and we will love others." 

We smile and wonder what he thinks... and then his words...

"Well, if more people believed the way you do, there wouldn't be any orphans in the world." 

I'm not sure what part of that sentence makes me ponder more; the cause or the effect.  I hope it makes you ponder too.  As Christians our lives should not look like the world's ways. 

Attachment

This is a post that we SHOULD have written before now.  Many of our friends are also going through these same life changes, due to adoption, I will use their thoughtful comments here.  This post, that I will adapt slightly, was written by a friend Christina A.  Her family is waiting to receive clearance to travel to Ethiopia for their daughter; thanks Christina!

Walk Alongside in Prayer and Encourage Us

Thank you once again to our prayer team that have faithfully prayed with us these last three weeks.  What a blessing and change it made to our lives.  God used your prayers to pour out His provision, kindness and grace to us in an environment that was challenging. 
THANK YOU! 

May our Lord richly bless you for being a servant for His purposes!

On hibernation:  Here is a link to a blog post written by Jen Hatmaker which addresses the attachment period needed between family and child. I am going to cover a few of the statements addressed in her post that our family has chosen to take on as our new normal for awhile. I will copy those here, clearly, in this post, to help you know how to help us and Punya adjust.

It is crucial that we use this period of time with Punya wisely to build a foundation that will help her move forward in a healthy fashion.  We also hope to help her move forward more quickly as she becomes certain that WE are hers and SHE is ours - FOREVER. Our home will be the 4th "group of people" she has lived with in her first 4 1/2 years of life. Try to understand her fear, brokenness and her confusion. Can you imagine?  She is used to many people meeting her needs so if that continues here, our home becomes yet another "care facility".  She MUST learn what family is, who her parents are, what her parents roles are in her life, who her siblings are and their roles as well. That's a lot to learn for a little girl!  As we have arrived home we must put these boundaries in place. As Punya moves into our family environment, we need to teach her that is exactly what it is.

• "Know this: Those first few weeks and months will more than likely be difficult. They might be downright disastrous. You will struggle through feelings and emotions you didn’t know you were capable of. You will cry. They will cry. They may absolutely spaz out actually. You will wonder if your life is ruined or if happiness will ever return to your home. Beloved, IT WILL. It so will. They are grieving and processing and transitioning. It’s just hard – on them, on you, on the bio kids if you have them. There is no magic formula that will skirt your family around this chaos."

EVERYONE IN OUR HOME HAS HAD MELT DOWNS.  WE ARE ALL LEARNING A NEW WAY OF BEING A FAMILY.  SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS ARE BEING STRETCHED.  JUST TONIGHT MEG CRIED THAT SHE MISSES HER OLDER SISTER.  ELLA HAS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP WITH PUNYA OUT OF ALL OF US AND THAT IS BOTH HARD AND AND GOOD DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK. 

• "Prepare your family and friends in advance for this very important attachment plan: No one touches, kisses, holds, or meets the needs of your new one except you and your spouse. No one. Tell them in advance and explain why. Your child needs to learn right away that you are his mother and father. YOU ARE. You will meet his needs. You will hold him when he cries. He belongs to you, and you are forever. He is coming from a multiple-caregiver situation, so if twenty strangers hold and kiss and feed him and rock him in his new environment, nothing has changed at all. He will struggle to attach to you because you are not his sole caregiver. This principle is not permanent, but it is so necessary at first. Tell your family and friends to give him a “high five” and that’s about the end of it for a bit."

JON AND I FEEL WE NEED TO WATCH THIS MORE CLOSELY WITH PUNYA AND PULL BACK WITH LIVI.  HONESTLY, WE FEEL WE ARE SEEING LIVI (WHO WENT THROUGH ALL OF THIS THREE YEARS AGO) REACHING OUT INAPPROPRIATELY TO MALES, POSSIBLY BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MONITOR THIS MORE CLOSELY.  YOU ALL CAN HELP US WITH BOTH OF THEM BY KEEPING TO THE "HIVE FIVE" AND REDIRECTING THE BOTH OF THEM TO JON OR I FOR ANYTHING MORE. 

• "Keep visitors at bay for awhile. Your child doesn’t know you yet. A lot of revolving faces simply reinforces the notion that people come and go, and he is alone. Yes, these people love you and love your child. They are thrilled he is home and care so deeply. You know that. He doesn’t. Tons of smiling, oversized, touchy strangers constantly in and out make for a nervous, insecure child. Our friends left dinner on our porch and texted us. Our parents chomped at the bit waiting, while we worked our way through the early storm of transition. God bless them."

THANK YOU FRIENDS FOR CARING FOR US IN THE SAME WAY!  THE MEALS HAVE BEEN A BLESSING!  ALLOWING ALL OF US TO WAVE AT THE WINDOW GIVES PUNYA BOUNDARIES AND SECURITY.  SHE CAN CONTINUE TO GAIN CONFIDENCE KNOWING THAT THERE IS A PERIMETER OF SAFETY.  WHILE YOU MAY NOT HEAR, SHE WARMLY ECHOS HER SISTERS WITH "TANK EW!" ACCOMPANIED BY BIG SMILES. 

• "Stay home. I mean it. Stay the heck home. Cancel your calendars. Pull out of everything you’re involved in. Temporarily quit your small group and your Bible study and your volunteer position at church on Wednesdays and your gym classes. Katy, bar the door. Circle the wagons with your little family and hunker down. Do not take your newbie to Target. Do not drag them to public places. Do not spend two hours in the car running errands with them. Keep the moving parts to an absolute minimum."

HONESTLY, WE'VE PROBABLY STRETCHED PUNYA TOO MUCH ALREADY.  IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE WEEK HOME.  WHEN WE DO TOO MUCH WE SEE HER SHOW SIGNS OF SELF-SOOTHING BEHAVIORS; ROCKING HERSELF, HUMMING, TEARS.  THE SWEET ONE ONLY KNOWS A VERY STRICT ROUTINE, DAY-IN AND DAY-OUT.  EVEN HAVING AN HOUR OF FREE PLAY IS OVER STIMULATING FOR HER.  IN THE ORPHANAGE SHE COLORED AT 10:30.  SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN MARKERS AND CRAYONS, SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN GREEN PAPER AND BLUE, SHE WAS GIVEN A COLORING BOOK AND COLORED.  OUR HOME IS PRETTY ROUTINE IN COMPARISON BUT TO PUNYA'S LIFE THE CHOICES ARE THRILLING AND DAUNTING ALL AT ONCE, CAUSING HER TO ACT LIKE A WOUND-UP TOP SET LOOSE TO SPIN AND CRASH. 

Time

We are making every effort to use our time to pour into the girls; each of them.  The girls have always cherished our date outings and now, they are more important than ever.  I had some special time with Punya on Sunday morning when everyone else went off to church.  We built boxes with linking straws, sorted by color and then she helped me get, an already prepared, lunch on the table. 

Sunday afternoons we savor as a family, resting and replenishing on the Sabbath.  This Sunday Livi and I escaped alone together.  We went to Target to get a few things for Punya.  All our size 3 & 4 pants and shorts are just not going to work for this peanut; size 2 were needed.  Livi didn't care what we did, she enjoyed chatting and choosing and being the apple of my eye. 

Tonight Meg and I went to Hobby Lobby, the girl "needs" farm stuff.  Her and her buddy have this plan to purchase their own land, build a barn and fill it with animals.  The plans delight her to no end!  We discussed brushes that were needed to paint the barn, we found just the right "sign" to point to their property and she showed me a packet of stickers I could get her for her birthday IF I wasn't going to buy a live animal.  (She was gracious and said stickers would be a fine second place.)  We held hands, laughed, skipped; enjoyed being together. 

 

Jon is also taking special times with each of them.  Today he and Livi walked five blocks up the hill to mail two letters.  They were alone and she had full dibs to the shoulder ride!  She planned her time with him and since 10:30 a.m. this morning was counting down the minutes for his arrival home.  This shoulder ride was MUCH anticipated.  (Just wish I had snapped a picture!)

I'm not sure about your kids, but our kids are not involved in many activities. We have been meticulous about where their time AND our time, as a family, goes. We agree whole-heartedly with Voddie Baucham that every child is to be discipled by their parents. How can we disciple them if we are too busy for them OR they are too busy with what we have signed them up for.

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

We know that when we leave our home we are entering the mission field. We are making it a point to pray for those we meet in the store when we get to the car. SO, tonight Meg and I were blessed to pray for baby Jillil who will be born in August; mom checked us out at Target AND at Office Max Duncan first declined he had anything for prayer BUT as we were gathering to leave he whispered quickly, "Will you pray my knee pain is healed in the next five minutes?"  Friends, this is "impressing them on your children..." we are intentionally living life radically for Christ that our lives reflect our values and our lives are our testimony.  Our girls need to be by our side to see, hear and be discipled by us; their parents.

http://web.me.com/voddieb/vbm/home.html

sermonaudio.com

"The Centrality of the Home in the Evangelism and Discipleship of our Children "

(specifically starting at 10:45)

This is tough stuff... V. Baucham came to faith in college, he had an amazing professional football career ahead of him and he turned it down to follow the Lord's calling.  He is passionate about family, children and using every ounce of his life for God's glory. 

To Be Used

"Sometimes I would like to ask God,

why He allows poverty, famine and injustice
in the world when He could do something about it... but I'm afraid

He might ask me the same question."

Anonymous

I follow just a couple blogs and this one is near and dear to my heart.  Her passion for Jesus, her desire to be used, her heart for the fatherless, her radical abandonment to live life for Him is what I desire for my life. 
Use me! 

http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/

http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/2010/09/while-we-wait.html

Learning About Her

Punya...

* loves to laugh; contagious laughter that gets us all rolling.

* is nervous about visitors (the grandparents have stopped by), although she will wave to you through the window!  Those of you that are generously bringing us a meal, watch for five waving girls!

* clams-up around men; even looks at Jon questioningly.

* hides behind my leg at the sight of any animal; even our pet bunnies.  Although she has already tried to hold "Jack" (the resident fish). 

* disposition is extremely happy.

* screams at unexpected movement; swings, stroller, Jon doing a push-up with her on his back.

* has HUGE, wide, darting eyes with the elevator, escalator and slides.

* is the best hand-washer & toothbrusher in town!

* will hold a hand at all times while walking on our unleveled lawn.

* finds the car terrifying; she screams every time we get near it. 

* thinks it is the BEST thing that she can drink from her water bottle whenever she wants.

* wants to please and impress us.

* participates joyfully in chores and beams to be included; emptying dishwasher, clearing table and plates, trash, folding clothes, etc. 

Punya is a brave little girl

that is facing life with a positive outlook

and enjoying every ounce that she takes in. 

Father God, I pray for Punya and for all the doubts and questions that must rise up in her mind.  I pray for supernatural ways to communicate to her.  That she would be able to communicate and share her feelings with us; not hiding them away in her heart to deal with alone.  May she feel an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance.  May she know, without a doubt, that she is home forever.

Are You Willing?

We are His hands... we are His feet... we are His heart!

Let's not waste our lives on ourselves.