Heading "Home"

Here we are at 11:36 p.m. trying to finish packing for our journey home. Our wake-up call is for 5:15 a.m. and then our big travel day begins. We humbly but boldly come before our Lord to ask for an extra seat on the flights so that L will not have to be on our lap the entire time.

As far as emotions are concerned, we are elated to be going home but I (the emotional one) cry when thinking about L leaving her homeland. I grieve for her; tearing away another part of who she is to build a new life in the states. I grieve for her mother who will not enjoy the many smiles, laughs and hugs that are just beginning for me. I love her mother for what she has given to L, for within L is this woman who had to give up part of herself. Before I came to China I used the word abandoned; that will never again be part of my vocabulary for it seems to indicate a heartless action. I think of Moses' mother and the care and love and heartache that she must of felt. How she poured herself into making the safe basket for him and how his sister stood watch to make sure he was safe. I see L's mom doing the same thing; forced into this path by a variety of circumstances. Can you imagine the grief when she gave birth to this long-awaited child and sees immediately her special need of cleft lip and palate? That day, which should have been full of sweet joy, was instead wrecked with sorrow knowing there was no way they can afford to meet L's needs. Knowing, upon holding her for the first time, that she will never see her take her first steps or run to her with open arms. I can't imagine the pain she must of felt to wrap her newborn baby up and begin her walk in the dark. Singing to her ever so softly, her hand tenderly caressing her face. Kissing L for the last time as tears stream down her face. Placing her by that bridge where she knows she'll be found and hiding in the darkness diligently watching to make sure she is safely scooped up by a passerby. I see her chest heaving as she walks home alone without her precious one for this is not the vision she had for this baby she carried for nine months. I wonder how many nights she cries herself to sleep wondering; just wondering about where she is now. Somewhere in China L you are loved very much...